your words are like poison

every time i read them, i just feel like "what on earth..."

feelings of indignation just flood right through

im amazed how someone can have so many thoughts and opinions of others and the world

, (whilst show intellect and depth of thoughts) yet can be so ignorant of his own faults and foolishness

and worse, creating excuses for himself and his behaviour like how he don't give a damn about his shortcomings

it s time to grow up, please

♥ ( 11:16 PM ) ♥


indo was really good =)... had loads of fun plus it was really relaxing
n i agree with eve it wouldnt be as fun if not for the ppl who went

i miss the cool mountain air.. the villas ( though not the haunted part and the eerie bathrooms) the trampoline and the swings in the lawn..
willy s really nice house and his really warm family..
the great cg meeting w a strong presence of God
the cool river water during river rafting...
the whole relaxed atmosphere of a holiday
and of cos the safari! (thanks so much to willy and the rest for accomodating to the idea)

i miss the elephants (teetee and windy and the one i rode on) and the lion cub i took a picture with on my lap(i wish i found out his name).. i wanna bring them home

been doing nothing much since coming back though..

sunday was church and family
family dinner was good.. =) i wish it ll be like that more often (trying not to be greedy)

monday was settling admin stuff for my employment + haircut + dinner with mr L

the admin stuff was supposed to be done by last wednesday.. which i only realised, to my horror, upon returning on saturday.. =p.. thankfully i am still going to be employed even though i was 5 days late in submission

haircut was horrible... no more fringe.. i look like a twit now boo

dinner was okay and yoshi is now gone.. =/ ..
sigh i really miss yoshi
and i ve decided.. not going to do anything anymore

tues was a totally bummed out day... i refused to wake up till 3pm!... then spent the rest of the day finishing my 2nd book from the library...
Pocketful of Names
ah it s really one of my favourites now... one of the few books that made me cry, not just tear
i ll buy it if i chance upon it

i spent the entire day shopping today... woke up at 8 plus!..just cos of mango sales
k n i blew 200 bucks..
but i spent it on work clothes ok.. not fun clothes...
nonetheless retail therapy is strangely an awesome drug..
im just so happy with my buy that i pull out every piece to show my grandma...
and then when my cousin came over, i showed him as well
haha

anw my sister says im an introvert cos i can go shopping alone

*****
names... more than a word or a noun
once we name something/someone..
there is immediately an emotional attachment..
a sense of familial belonging

a rock will just be another rock in this world,
until you give it a name
and then it belongs to you

and so we live .. carrying on our backs
all the rocks we've given a name to

(this philosophical moment is probably inspired by the book)

*****


and i dont even want to recall
for the sweetness of the memory
is only but ephemeral
the void in its wake
only brings forth more ache

♥ ( 1:46 AM ) ♥


There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,

our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving

Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart,
like Why are we here? And where do we go?And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing,
it's always better when we're together

=) i love jack johnson s songs


it was great going out with XX n joseph, meeting up with my pri sch mates and NaNa!... shall blog abt these n post some pictures up another time...

meanwhile.. loads of errands to run tmr... boo... = /

♥ ( 1:02 AM ) ♥


i wish i can blog about how happy i am that i ve finally finished my exams,
how relieved i am about surviving the most stressful period of my life thus far
how ecstatic i am about my 1 month holidays with the freedom to do whatever i wish

i wish i have the mood to blog about how God has been so good to me this period... how He brought me through with a mighty hand... how He sustained and uplifted me
and once again performed a miracle that i passed my exams..

i wish i have the mood to blog about mel and esthero and mr. L and eve n yuka n keith, daryl, esther eeyore and many others whom im most grateful to for support, encouragements, prayers, cards, gifts etc. and post up many wonderful photos

i wish i have the desire to read the books i ve bought and borrowed today with my usual hunger to read them from cover to cover


but somehow i just feel im in the doldrums...

when i was a student... i was bound by school and assignments and exams...

to grow up.. to be an adult...is to have new responsibilities, burdens and expectations from others
where my life used to be so sheltered... im now thrown into the open sea of reality
- the complicated world of adults, of jealousy strifes, maliciousness, lies, mercenariness, selfishness and whatnots..

why cant adults be more simple?

and somehow though i only but have a whiff of the saltiness in the air

i already feel suffocated...

and joy is just sucked out of me


and here comes my instinct to run away and hide

to escape into my own world

where the sky is a perfect blue


"If you were to say to the grown-ups: “I saw a beautiful house made of rosy brick, with geraniums in the windows and doves on the roof,” they would not be able to get an idea of that house at all. You have have to say to them: “I saw a house that cost $20,000.” Then they would exclaim: “Oh, what a pretty house that is!” "
- The little prince -

n i lift all these to You, my Strength and my Song,
my Healer and my Provider

♥ ( 12:31 AM ) ♥


monday 1st june- mr L
tues 2nd june - ws
wed 3rd june - mel
fri 5th june - esthero

sunday 7th june- my turn to go on holiday!

but till then... guess i ll busy myself with lotsa catch up with old friends and bury myself in books so i ll not let my mind wander too much

whilst not forgetting to be looking into my mailbox =)...

a postcard perhaps? heh...


meanwhile i spent today at home learning how to play the piano...
man.. it s so hard to switch from C major to G7 chord and back again...
i practised till my fingers hurt... n still not v good at it.. = / piano is really hard work..
plus i really suck at sight reading


i smell much changes in the air.. n i do not like them...
looks like i gotta move back home sooner than i thought... =(
i ll really miss my grandma... n how peaceful it is here

but i guess the one thing u cannot run away from is your family
and you shouldnt as well..
need to pray for courage and strength...
to be the change i want to see in my family

♥ ( 11:56 PM ) ♥


a man, a boy
a dreamer
recreating his dreams
that like a blackhole
devours him

following a light
that doesnt lead
but blinds
he found a way that loses him

blood that tries to cover him is disdained
love suffocates, he says

and flee into oblivion



but love always perseveres,
and love always wins...in the end


always awaiting your reply

♥ ( 12:04 AM ) ♥


i am so regretting it

it is getting out of control

=(((


and it s FRIDAY in an hr s time...


omg omg omg omg omg



omg

♥ ( 10:41 PM ) ♥


meanwhile...

i ve been having panic attacks... =/

the smallest thing can trigger a huge bolt of blue... and a bout of tears...

while i ve always been managing stress with loads of food..
i totally have no appetite for anything now... =(... it s terrible to lose ur appetite..

shoo... fear... go away!.. in the name of Jesus!

ah.. there s no way im going to finish studying..
i just pray i can remember whatever i ve studied.. n that whatever i didnt manage to study wont come out for exams...

i ll just do what i can each day n leave the rest to God...

He holds the future.. and He holds my hand =)...

on another note...

ah.. i just counted... i only have 5 'fingers of happyness' left..
it s supposed to last me till next friday.. but im short of 4 now..
it s either i ve cheated by eating more than one a day.. or my little cousin ate it!!

i think i ll really really be super duper depressed now(more than i already am). if not for my 'exam affair'.. .. so thank you for being so nice.. sigh

more happyness pls

on another note...

i encountered 2 types of guys today who...

when you re down...

Type 1) sympathetic - ' hao ke lian...treat you to ice cream k"

Type 2) stoic n unfeeling - 'huh cry for what.. crying doesnt help.. got time to cry might as well use the time to study"

well i guess u need both types of friends...

with type 1.. u ll tend to get more dependent n bask in the sympathy n wallow for a while more before u get on to work, but encouraged

with type 2.. u ll get ur ass to work right away, 'inspired' (euphemistically speaking) since he might read this -_-


sigh.. why am i using my time to blog...

on the last note...

mel spent her 23rd birthday with me in the library...

haha.. well mel i hope it hadnt been too terrible... let s pretend ur birthday is on the 22nd k..
WOLVERINE!!.. =)))

♥ ( 2:06 AM ) ♥


=....(

♥ ( 10:33 PM ) ♥


L: "so did you find your happiness today?"

..... =) you nv'd guess

withdrawal symptoms time... boo

♥ ( 1:25 AM ) ♥


what a day....

first.. i nearly cried after cg at the thought of my exams...

then i msged a dear friend how upset and hurt i am by his actions (and yet to get a reply)

then i called many ppl for no good reason.. like really talk abt where they are what are they doing...
and the thing is i dont usu call ppl to talk on the phone!
i called mel,yuka, zy, esther, ws and also called my mum, my dad and my sister..

then i really cried while i was by myself at kap..
i was trying to hold it in while talking to my mum n dad.. but when i reached my sis i couldnt stop the tears... =/.. thankfully i could hide by turning to face the wall

then, having stayed at kap macs from 6.30-11pm, almost studying nothing, i went home..

then, i tried to make brownie pee in his litter box first before letting him out for his run...
and for the first time, i made "hsuuuuu" sounds at him for a few mins ( like those mothers encouraging their kids to pee) ...
but it didnt work

and last but NOT LEAST, i actually mailed someone whom i thought i ll nv EVER msg again.. (OMG what have i done????) and currently still feeling traumatised (melllll........ 0_0)

NUS B.D.S... what have you done to me.... =(


Your grace is enough, more than i need...

♥ ( 1:19 AM ) ♥


Dwelling Places- Hillsong

Lovely are Your dwelling places
Thirsty, I come after You
Jesus my joy, my reward,
Your love's restoring my soul
Now I'm Yours and You are mine

chorus:I love You, I love You, I love You (3)
and my heart will follow wholly after You

Jesus there's none beside you
Righteous, ruler of the earth
Nation will come and bow down
Name after all names I sing You praises
and all I can say to you is...

-------------------------------------------------------
somehow this song always bring me to tears
singing this on sunday, God's presence was so tangible i could not stop my tears from flowing

how often do you tell God you love Him?
Many times, we just take His unconditional love for granted
we come before Him to pray... for our own needs, our own desires

Singing these 3 words "i love you"
it felt so liberating
Love is such a wonderful and powerful notion

if you're feeling tired today.. a little stressed out... a little stretched maybe..
take out some time for worship =)
for when you go back to your first Love,
your problems will seem smaller when you have God by your side
and you know that all things are in His mighty hands

and the bible says.. "God is love" =)

♥ ( 2:17 AM ) ♥


dear God..

i want to go to South Africa!!!...
pretty pretty pls... with a cherry on top...

♥ ( 12:23 AM ) ♥


But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile and you could change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh ohh
Oh oh oh ohh

a simple song with a simple melody..
i cant quite figure why i like it so much

and, i think it ll be really nice to be able to change someone's world with just one smile

then again... i think that only happens in movies.. =/

♥ ( 12:26 AM ) ♥


ok im officially 23 (and abt an hr.. ) old .... and counting

*closes eye for a moment*

hm..honestly.. i dont feel much abt it..
it was just another day that passed...

though im very much thankful for my friends who have made it special for me =)

while i was initially planning to pretend it s just gonna be another day.. and im just going to go to school library as per normal to study the whole day away then go home..
n though a huaniao outing was planned on thurs.. i was really hoping they wont remember it s my bday and even thought of removing my bday detail from facebook...
all these somehow didnt come to pass because....

mel organised a bday dinner for me =)
i had dinner on tues with classmates!.. yeah in the midst of this stressful study break.. i really appreciate the effort they made to come for dinner with me!.. mel meh2 esthero jh swee2 wseng milly waterloo and min2.. special thx to mel for organising everything n jh for calling ppl too!
haha the dinner was hilarious as we all tried some personality tests and found out abt one another.. er... sex drive.. -_-''..
the innocent looking girls with the high scores
and the "macho manly" guys with the low scores...
and just for the record "hot, magma, tectonic"
and scaring the wits out of milly cos i placed a burger stress ball on top of the radio n made her think for a moment she was driving someone's else car.. hilarious....

wed met up with yuka for dinner at cck.. =)... who planned to watch "hotel for dogs" with me! but somehow the website she assessed gave the wrong info so no timing=(...
but really appreciate your thought!really.. haha yuka, who will nv ever wanna watch any of these shows abt dogs or animals..=))
then proceeded to quek s house for an impromptu movie screening session n watched No Reservations while eating maggie mee n chocolates.. =)

thurs- went for mini line lunch with juniors from yr 1 to yr 3!.. and valencia baked me a brownie cake.. it was really nice n fudgy.. haha.. with many candles!!.. ok i know candles represent AGE.. but i love candles anyhow...=) i think it s my first home-made bday cake.. sweet

went tcc to attempt to do some mugging before dinner... wasnt v productive as usual

dinner was crystal jade with huaniaos ( without yingxian =(.. who called me from India in the afternoon!..haha it was really a pleasant surprise.. but he was -_- when he heard abt our dinner plans without him)
haha yes crystal jade s the usual huaniao eating place.. and as kenny said "must go back to our roots" -_-...
it was not too bad.. love xiao long baosss... n kenny tried to trick me into believing i ate 5 out of 10 of them!.. (i ate only 3 k..),,
n nana was hilarious with one bowl of la mian turning out into 4 bowls...(k private jk)
nana came late cos she went to get me a pressie.. =) heh thanks nana! it was a nice going out bag from zara which i decided im going to like a lot.. (this may sound weird but it s hard to explain)
n no huaniao gatherings end without desserts... so we went swensen's n got some gelato..
special thanks to colin for giving me a lift home though you were heading east to run some errands... (note to self: remember to forget to bring my ezlink card out next time kk*private jk*)
thanks to many many many for ur bday well wishes on sms n facebook n msn =)))

indeed..im more than blessed

my bday wish is for my whole family to come to know God... and to pass my final BDS exams!!
guys pls pray for me if u see this =)

♥ ( 12:26 AM ) ♥


i ve finally watched marley n me!!.. it was niceee.. but i thought the book was nicer.. and anw i fell in love with john grogan in the movie besides MArley...=P... he s such a sweet n patient guy, well i guess the fact that owen wilson looks kinda cute is also a contributing factor

but i missed the other show i badly wanted to watch.. Panda diary... =(

anw back to blogging in the wee hrs of the night abt my mundune life

i have been trying to mug with esther these days.. n she is appalled by the amt of food i consume or want to consume while i study... (thanks for reining me in est.)
for the record.. i have been snacking monstrously... but little studying has been done.. =(

xn:"let s go buy our dinner"
est:" but we just ate!!! xn!!!"

well at least i went running today to try to remedy the situation

i had the most horrible n gruesome n weird nightmare yesterday
i dreamt that i murdered a classmate and even chopped him in half sagitally.. well the dream wasnt that vivid in the process at all.. but it was just me and the remains of the body(which wasnt really emphasised in my dream) .. and there was an arm and a leg from 2 other unknown people...
so i got caught by the police and had to go to jail for one yr( it was a dream man)

and THE THING was... i was just very sad that i could not graduate on time with my class because im going jail for one yr...

oh man how horrible is that.. -_- '''
just shows how much emphasis we place on graduation.. sigh..
anw i must clarify that i do not have a violent tendency..
i probably had that dream of chopping ppl up cos i was reading online on how to chop a chicken
it must have come from that... must have... *shifty eyes

♥ ( 2:14 AM ) ♥


a million million things to think about care about worry about

wish i could float atop a sampan on clear crystal blue water "to an island where we'll meet"...

****************************************************************************

there stands this great divide between i cannot fathom

♥ ( 12:43 AM ) ♥


i actually took a wrong bus home after cg today...
so instead of a really fast ride through the expressway..
i took a long detour to bukit timah on 171 instead..

that long stretch of road which holds so much of my memories..
the schools i went to..the familiar grounds i ve stepped on.. the places i hanged out in after school... the roads i ve been on so countless a times..

as i reminisce.. a smile crept up onto my lips...

but as i begin to record my thoughts n emotions on my hp.. tears actually welled up in my eyes.. so much so that i have to stop typing... stop thinking.. stop remembering...
so i wont turn into an emo wreck on the bus

it s late.. prolly will finish and post up the note on my hp soon

because... even the memories that may make you sad are memories worth remembering

♥ ( 2:34 AM ) ♥


really feel like giving up

♥ ( 9:38 PM ) ♥


friendship

what does it entail?

.....

i ve been made to feel i had had too much expectations

but is it really right to expect absolutely nothing from someone you care about

is it that selfless.. ?

that you would continue to do things in his/her best interests, for their happiness,

even if the things they are doing, or not doing, are hurting you like mad


and some times you cant even bear to be near them


But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here


oh gosh i hate being such an emo momo...
(on another note... i miss you keng moh!)

♥ ( 11:37 PM ) ♥


things are not really looking up in school..
seems like my endo n crown competency cases are nowhere confirmed..
schedules clashing with my lab buddy..
exam case is stalled
only 7 more weeks left...
i need a m-i-r-a-c-l-e

some times it s only when you re at the end of yourself..
when you realise so many things are not within your control..
that you let God come in and take over

Proverbs 16:9
A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his paths

♥ ( 1:03 AM ) ♥


i went home like really early from school today... reached home like 6.40pm??
that s really a first since sch started 1 month ago...

it was really nice slacking at home... ate alot of tidbits too..
supposed to prepare a ppt on my perio learning issues though.. =p..

anw im aching so much from my run on sat!!... sheesh.. i cant even walk at a normal pace properly.. pain in my quads and my lower back..
oh dear im sounding like an old woman.. = / ...gonna turn 23!!...
oh man... where did time go?
was just talking with yuka on the way to church yesterday how we dont want to get any older...
(yukaaa.. someone's bday is coming up soooonn hehe)

gosh i should really work out more often so my body wont feel so old..
it s like when i was running.. even my ponytail seemed so weird... it felt like an external attached tail to my head that s swinging out of sync as i run..
and i thought up this weird theory as i run.. that it s cos the hair that s grown out the past 8months or so have not 'run' before.. n so being new to this activity.. they naturally do not know how to bounce correctly in rhythm...
ok dont roll your eyes..

i had a really disturbing nightmare on sunday...
i dreamt my final exams were next week and i have not started studying!...
n my classmates were really worried for me

so well.. guess i should go work on my ppt now.. so even if my nightmare do come true.. i would have something to write about how diabetes affect periodontitis...

anw i was just looking at my previous post and found that somehow in the random photos i ve picked.. the peeps who are in the photos are kinda the ones who are my closer friends in school.. hehe although esther is sadly being represented by BJ =p

♥ ( 10:49 PM ) ♥


yay i finally went running...


the last time i did was like last may/june??.. horrifying yes i know..


anyway... new shoess!! with matching new socks.. hehe.. what better motivation to run than a new pair of running shoes =DDDD...
(ok nevermind i bought these in dec...)


anw i KO-ed after 15mins.. but managed to persevere for another 10mins... (although the last 8 mins was with the aid of gravity down a slope... )


haha and i bumped into samuel who was bai-nianing near my place.. haha he seemed really shocked to see me... i hope it s just cos he was too surprised and not that i looked like i was going to die... (it was ard the 15min mark)


in the mood to post up some photosss.. =)

1)my grandma and me at the birdpark! hehe this was the 2nd take in which i asked her to smile cos she was frowning in the first one... i love my grandmaaa =)

2) eeyore and me! hehe went out quite a few times with her.. crazy shopping trips with endless walking... and me forcing her to try stuff n even dragging her to the counter to buy a skirt..=p im a sun2 you3.. the reason she goes home late( Bride wars at 11.15pm on friday)











3) haha mel and me!.. in the lab doing our UROP with some laser stuff.. lunch n woe-pouring n joy-sharing buddies.. what would i do in school without u!?
4) my mum n me at reunion dinner!.. haha ppl usu say i look like my dad n nothing like my mum... hmm.. anw i was flushed cos i helped my dad finished 30ml of his XO.. which tasted urg.. burnt my throat too.. this uncle kept refilling his glass.. even though he had to drive later and also has diabetes... -_- ...i coaxed my dad to let me try a bit... but finished it in one gulp.. (n if wataru wai seng n suraj were there.. they would have confirmed im a closet alcoholic)










5) a random photo taken during Ortho Posting quite some time ago... it was hidden in some file in my phone! wai seng me n may2 slacking in a cubicle.. =p

6) a photo with BJ( esthero's crazy hyperactive dog!) that was hidden in the same file.. haha he looked so sad in the photo.. (no i wasnt crushing him)







ok i know the format is quite bad.. but i really suck at this kinda things... n it s late... so well...



♥ ( 2:03 AM ) ♥


whee... 4 days of holidays!..

had a jc class dinner on friday night at Seoul garden followed by sleepover at Pom's house
hm it s the usual people again.. turn out for the guys is awesome(5/8) while girls side is like 4/19?.. -_-..
nonetheless it was good food and great company... pom is a wonderful host and it s a real wonder how the guys are still as funny(read: lame) as ever... it was really as if time had never passed and we re still in JC =)... i think i might have developed some abs from laughing so hard the whole time...
anw 2 mahjong tables were promptly set up and we played mahjong till like 4am in the morning.. then we played this "-_-" card game called "in-between".. and i fell asleep on eeyore's lap 15mins into the game.. and while i was in a semi-conscious state i heard the guys telling eeyore that she ll prob need to amputate her leg after this.. but (luckily for the guys) i was too zonked out to make to make a retaliation

and i slept through the WHOLE sermon in church cos i was just so tired... ok la kinda caught the gist of it.. i ll just pay extra attention during part 2 next week =p..

went to shop last min for new yr clothes... didnt find any but bought a nice yellow top for school that was on sale! i love sales =)
haha poor eeyore was so tired.. yet i didnt want to go home yet and dragged her ard PS till there were no more shops left open for us to go into
reminds me of Goob from Meet the Robinsons

Stuck:
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

♥ ( 2:54 AM ) ♥


im supposed to be studying for dph test on friday....
but yea..

so much for cabbing home... to surf the net and blog (abt mundane stuff)!

by the way im horrified at the rate im squandering my money on cabs..
since monday.. i have spent a grand total of 53 bucks on cab.. -_-..
i have been leaving the lab at like 11pm every night n cabbing home...
n on tues morning.. just cos i didnt feel like going to school.... didnt feel like walking all the way out to take a bus... didnt feel like standing squashed like a sardine on the bus... i took a cab..
n it cost a freaking 23bucks..
trust me.. i feel immensely guilty for splurging like that.. i guess i will have to wear old clothes for new yr.. ( since the money im spending is what im supposed to use for buying new yr clothes!)
and thankfully neither my parents nor my grandma will be reading this..

anw i was just surfing ard n reading various blogs.. and it just struck me that everyone's lives is so different - pursuing diverse dreams, having different worries and difficulties, having different kinds of friends and hanging out at different places ...
and somehow i just felt struck with a bolt of blue.. (or is that a green shade of envy )
like im missing out on some things in life..
i see photos and i wish im inside some of them (no it s not that im a camwhore -_-)
i read testimonies and i wish im included in them..
yadayada
and then for some friends.. you wish you dont need to read their blog to find out how they are doing.. you wish you can have a firsthand account... you wish you're a closer part of their lives..

oh well.. i guess we cant all be everywhere for everyone at every one time

ok i ve a confession to make... i feel so bad every time i think back abt it..
i think i was being really mean.. to this REALLY mean person who s also self centred and terrible and despicable...
ok anw i think i had no right to say what i ve said or to imply what i was implying.. it s not like im perfect or beyond reproach myself...
i think i ll find a chance to apologise to him.. (even though he didnt seem to have comprehended the implication behind my words.. or seem the least bit affected..)

anw this totally reminded me of John 8
""Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." when Jesus was speaking to the crowd when the question was raised as to whether or not to stone an adulterous woman to death


it s in your eyes

(somehow this kylie minogue song is stuck in my head...haha added in for blog effects..)

♥ ( 12:52 AM ) ♥


hmm i have a real urge to try baking pineapple tarts... but it really seem like it needs a lot of work..(it really does) n currently im feeling q drained from sch... but but but the pineapples sitting near brownie's house, given by some neighbours, seem to be calling out to me..

like even for cg refreshments tmr.. i wasnt feeling too enthusiastic abt it...where i usu feel quite happy preparing food for my beloved friends..
but anw the most difficult part is over.. that is finding a recipe that s viable and within budget n should accomodate to most ppl s taste, though curiously not mine...
ham and potato soup... hmm im not a soup person.. esp not creamy soup.. n not a potato person too.. haha.. now u (my wonderful readers who are not tagging on my pathetic tagboard) must be wondering why im making it right... ok cos it s viable n within budget...
n im not..NOT! looking forward to dealing with the potatoes tmr.... (read the earlier post..)

right now im wondering if i should sleep early to prepare the pineapple jam tmr..
but i have not bathed... actually i have not left my place on the couch since i stepped home at abt 10.30pm.. n i ate macs for dinner too.. supper to be more exact...
im rambling again

i cant believe i lugged home abt 1.5litres of chicken broth, 1 kg potatoes...200g ham.. and 2. something kg of timothy hay pellets and 800g of "cumi indoor nature" supplementary food... along with my 2kg laptop.. and my macs dinner...and my bag (rambling rambling rambling)

anw i was just thinking at the petshop today when i was buying food... that whenever im in a busy period n kind of neglect brownie .. that s when i splurge the most on his food, no matter how broke i am.. like buying those supplementary food with high nutritional contents... dried pineapple cubes... raspberry biscuits n various other snacks..
reminded me of what we used to write in chinese or gp essays about parents making up for their absence at home by spoiling the kids with lotsa pocket money n material stuff..

last night i finally sat down to plan how im going to complete my schedule for the rest of the term n also complete my patients' treatments... n the reality check was ... petrifying..
i couldnt get to sleep after that..
sigh...

i just gotta do my best i guess... n let God do the rest...

i think i blog about the pettiest things anyone can think of... haha
(no wonder no tags.... - _ - ) sorry guys but my life is pretty much like i dont have one

on second thoughts... that s not really really true since technically i did did some shopping on sunday and tues and went out for supper on wed...

im so happy with this green cardigan i bought at a GG>5 outlet store at this ulu shopping centre(i forgot its name) in chinatown which ws brought me to.. the colour is so nice...
n though i have absolutely nothing in my wardrobe to match it with.. i just have to buy it cos it was such a steal!.. like 70%... so i only paid 17bucks.. =)))

although i ve said this many times... that i hate the lab...
and though i always sleep in the lab (with all the acrylic powder and stone dust flying)...
i really never mean it as much as i do right now...

i hate the lab....

♥ ( 1:00 AM ) ♥


there goes first week of school... and it almost seemed like i was never on a 4wk hiatus...

it was terrible waking up every morning... somehow there s this smell in the air that makes me feel sick inside... REALLY !

Watched Seven Pounds with eve and michael today... it is really nice but sad too... MUST watch

"2 good friends are made up of 2 good forgivers"... how true

i love friday nights... love.. why cant everyday be fridays?

i bought new asics track shoes in m'sia.. and they are so pretty.. and i cant wait to go running in them.. but i cant seem to find the time to unless i go running at 11pm
ok i know there are such things in the world as "morning runs" but that dont exist in my world..( dont worry evelyn.. ppl from different planets can still be great friends =p)

by the way i really cannot remember the last time i went running... May08? *gasp*

blogging at this kind of time usu means an emo post..
but after slogging in school for one whole week...
i really crave to be snuggled up under the covers now

so tata

hmm im finding the background green increasingly nauseating...

but i still love it

yea tata

♥ ( 2:24 AM ) ♥


no words can describe how i feel now...


time to hit the prayer closet....

♥ ( 11:53 PM ) ♥


back from KL...
didnt really seem like i have been away though, most of what i remember of the trip is the travelling on the coach(super long!) and the time in the hotel room

i guess the thing i missed most was the time spent with evelyn in the hotel room.. talking and sharing while lying down before we drift off to sleep

and strangely the time when we went to Starbucks just an hour before we were supposed to check out of the hotel.. sitting down drinking nice coffee and playing Jenga and daidee..

dont ask me why but i feel these are the times i felt most relaxed and on a holiday mood.. just chill n relax
not rushing for time... not being in dirty crowded places...

AND i didnt get to go to the Themepark... =( = ( = (

what happened was we travelled up to Genting on the 2nd day.. but the weather was bad so many of the rides were closed.. hence it was not worth spending the money to go in..
i really wanted to cry as i stood outside the grand entrance of the themepark and had to walk away without going in... and also when we went to buy tickets for the cable car trip down Genting

i wish we have really gone to stay in Genting instead.. it ll be much more relaxing and cooling..
and there ll be not much unhappiness with regards to modes of transportation and the itinery since (yes i agree) there s not much to do in Genting anyway.. (more time to fellowship!)
so even though i wont get to shop like i did in KL(which is not much too btw), and even if it s 'much' more expensive in Genting.. i ll still opt to go Genting for a relaxing trip

oh i forgot to add one more thing that s rather unforgettable from the trip..
the terrible 1/2 hr massage i had which caused me to have bruises all along my shoulders...and on my arms and along my spine...i still feel angry thinking abt it man.. it s like paying ppl to abuse myself..- _ - i think i ll just stick to thai massage from now on

sorry if i sound so unhappy abt the trip... guess it s prob cos school is starting soon that affected my holiday mood...
but i really did have fun fellowshipping with my cellgrp mates on the trip too =)
shopping with evelyn n laughing at our indecisiveness
irritating alan and trying not to be irritated when he irritates me
making fun of sam sam(the new spendthrift in the block!)
understanding wei2 more

anw did i mention school is starting soon.....

hmm so many ppl blogged abt how 2008 was like for them... made me feel like penning down some stuff too... but that shall be for another day!.. maybe after i ve gotten down my new yr resolutions heh

♥ ( 1:08 AM ) ♥


yay.. new skin! i think it s pretty lovely (except i think i should figure out how to change the font)

anw.. it s a brand new year...
i really like the sermon ps kong did on the last service of 2008
so for those of you who missed it.. here s a really short summary off my head
so there are no bible verses quoted =p

Remember Lot's wife
who became a pillar of salt because she turned to look back as God destroyed the immoral city she used to live in

Similarly, there are 4 things we should not look back on as we step into the new year

1) Old sins - when God forgives, He forgets! trust in God's redeeming power that in Him, all things are made new. Do not feel guilty nor condemned anymore

2) Old defeats - Have you not achieved any resolutions or goals u ve set last yr? how about failures and unfulfilled dreams? do not let that hinder or hold you back this yr. All things work towards good for those who love Him and walk according to His purpose.

3) Old conflicts - For as God has forgiven us even though we re so unworthy of it, so must we forgive others... and forget as well!
it is prob quite difficult but let s pray for God to give us our Manasseh (forgetfulness) to help us do that.
Anger, hatred, bitterness you harbour may or may not harm your enemies..
but they MOST CERTAINLY will hurt you

4) Old victories - dont get complacent and rest on your laurels! =).. we should always go from glory to glory and not be satisfied with what we ve achieved already
( actually i kinda dozed off halfway through this point.. but i guess it s quite self explanatory =p)


ok i really loved it when pastor gave us all each a piece of paper where we wrote down the above 4 categories of stuff of 2008.. then we crushed the paper... threw it on the floor, stepped on it and kicked it away!
but i felt we could have used more time praying because even as i was kicking the paper away already.. i somehow didnt feel very ready to let go of some things...
guess i should continue praying abt these things and for my Manasseh =)

it s kinda a quiet countdown to 2009 for me this yr... (oh gosh is it really the new yr already?)
feels kinda surreal as i watch the fireworks on tv

anw tcc has a really nice dish "beef mozza tofu"
seems quite easy to make actually.. maybe i should try one day heh
quite a random outing today with a jepalang grp consisting of a representative each from my jc class, my uni class and my church friend
prolly a result from my impulsive smsing last night after a drop too much of vodka at timbre
which is a really nice place i must add

ok im rambling already... and i have to get out of my house in about 4 hrs time to go to KL and Genting! time to go prepare some hard boiled eggs to make sandwiches!
will be back on sat...

♥ ( 1:22 AM ) ♥


because i really couldnt stand the previous background colour....

because i really really REALLY suck at HTML....(guess there s not much convincing need to be done)

btw i really tried..

and brownie s sitting next to me looking at me right now =)

will find another blogskin soon...


BIRDPARK IN 6 HRS!

♥ ( 2:20 AM ) ♥


less than 24hrs to xmas

i shall blog abt my "eventful" day of nothing-ness
woke up late cos i slept late... n had the sudden impulse to bake muffins!
since i ve got an oven at home now i thought i ll invest in some muffin trays to get nice shapely muffins!...

changed into a crummy shirt n denim shorts i ve not worn for ages, put on my geeky specs and then proceeded to the NTUC nearby... turned out they dont have what i want...
so being on a streak of impulsiveness...
i took a bus to newton to a bakery shop to get the muffin trays..
so i found what i wanted there.. but thought they re somewhat pricey..
23 bucks for 2 6-muffin trays...decided to move on somewhere to find cheaper ones...

so i thought... since i ve already ventured out so far might as well go all the way to get my muffin trays today...
hence i found myself in bugis next...but neither BHG or cold storage had what i want...
-_- ..
n all the time i was trying to look inconspicuous hoping i wont bump into anyone i know in my unglamest state.. or at the very least... hope they wouldnt be able to recognise me
haha.. talk abt being vain

yep.. so in the end.. i dragged myself back to the newton store n bought the damn muffin trays..
i mean... i cant have gone out the whole afternoon without buying anything right..

so yea after i spent the entire afternoon on the muffin tray hunt...
i felt so sian i didnt want to bake any muffins...

and this is the end of a pointless post of a pointless day

thanks for reading

♥ ( 12:22 AM ) ♥


=(

♥ ( 5:37 PM ) ♥


oh well oh well... more than half the holidays s over... =(
im trying hard to fight back the sinking feeling i get whenever i think about school..
ugh..

on a brighter note.. xmas is coming.. =)..
hm dont really feel much abt it yet.. n sort of no special plans for anything except xmas drama services.. i really pray this xmas will be different.. that my not going to taiwan is going to be so worth it.. i really pray for lives to be transformed and changed(mine included)
i need a fresh encounter this dec.. a word a promise from God to really help me ride over the coming months..

xmas party at daryl's on sat was so fun!.. n now im kinda hooked on playing Rockband(though it feels kind of weird playing without michael ard =/ ) really glad my friends enjoyed themselves too.. great food relaxed atmosphere good company fun games... kinda wish we ll have another one on xmas eve again.. =p..

baked raspberry almond shortbread cookies the night before at eeyore's place... oh man.. we were in the kitchen from like 11pm to almost 4am.. really thank God for eeyore.. if not i wouldnt have managed alone.. not to mention maybe give up after the first batch flopped.. hehe.. baked like 150 cookies in all.. -_-

spent sat morning baking another batch of cookies.. then the whole afternoon making shepherd's pie for the party.. oh man.. it was a nightmare... i ll never mash potatoes or carrots AGAIN unless someone pays me a million..
i think if i walk through a departmental store now and some salesman is demonstrating using a machine to mash potatoes.. i ll buy it on the spot even if im not intending to use it ever... just as a xmas present for my right wrist.. which has suffered from mashing 13 potatoes and 10 carrots with a fork...
and worse still... only one of the 2 shepherd s pies were consumed due to the enormous amount of food at the party( or maybe it just wasnt v nice tho ws seem to love it).. should have just made half the servings la( which translates to 7 potatoes and 5 carrots)

and the most hilarious thing happened to me on my way to the party..
the cab driver tried to do some matchmaking for his son n even drove so slowly!..
we were on the expressway n he had to drive on the leftmost lane..
n all the way he was asking me qns like if im chinese.. my age my occupation if i have a bf etc etc ... n then telling me his son is quite tall n also studying in uni also christian and the same dialect grp(yea like wth right)..
and the ultimate..
he offered, albeit jokingly, to help me pay off my tuition fee loan( almost $60k) if i marry his son.. ok then he asked me if i am able to cook and do housework..(!!!) and told me i should start having marriage plans... -_- .. i was like laughing politely the whole way
oh man.. i felt almost bad for him as i got off cos he seemed so keen

candlelight service on sunday was great(though i kept dozing off).. love the candlelights =)...
something bad happened on the way to church though... and i thank God for yuka who was there with me and who accompanied me the whole day to the doc's .. back home and to church again.. sorry i scared you though..

dad gave a dinner treat at the thai village sharksfin restaurant cos he won 4d or smth.. even gave my sisters and 1 50 bucks each.. food was good also (i didnt really enjoy watching the others eat sharksfin though =( )
but more than that.. everyone was happy that night.. no quarrels no bitter complaints no unhappiness at the table...
at times like this i cant help but feel that maybe money can really buy happiness..

♥ ( 1:16 AM ) ♥


im starting to feel despair as i look at the stacks of notes and textbooks strewn on the floor around me... cute eeyore with the irresistable matcha parfait.. eeyore took a photo of me too and i was supposed to look v greedy.. i told her i dont really have to try... hehe




♥ ( 12:22 AM ) ♥


im just thinking it s a great night today
it s kinda nice to be home early..
eat home-cooked dinner that s still warm..
take a nice long leisurely bath(and catch up on my sorely needed skincare regime, no matter how minimalistic it still is)
and watch drama serials one after another on the couch
and and and MOST IMPTLY...
having NO agenda the next day..
well unless you count going for a shoulder and neck massage appointment.. =)
which im hoping will be sponsored by my dearest sis hehe

conversely.. i went home really late last night
met up with yuka n quek at holland v for dinner =)
oh gosh im so in love with this dessert in Essential Brews.. which is essentially just yummy ice cream on cornflakes with fresh strawberries.. which by the way cost 16 bucks -_-
we then proceeded to walas for a drink n cos yuka s friend s performing that night
i got a mojito which is rather strong but nice..
had lots of mint leaves in it though..that looked and tasted like vegetables =S
haha my alcohol tolerance is like so bad.. i drank like half a cup and i felt so drowsy i really wanted to lie down on the bar table to sleep (ok let s just assume here i usually dont sleep everywhere i go) ... not to mention i was really flushed..
=) the band was quite good.. i like the songs they did that night


b1 and b2 =)
got a remedial on sharpening the scaling instruments though.. -_-'''
my patient was this guy who seemed really apprehensive initially..
did not answer or return my phone calls nor reply my messages to make an appointment -_-
i almost gave up on him
so he finally came and then before i gave him an injection,
he even asked if it was the first time i was doing it
i tried to make it seem like it s a no-big-deal thing (which it kind of really is) and proceeded to anaesthesize him.. clean up his teeth and also extracted one tooth
he was so shocked when everything was over..
like he expected it to be really traumatic..
then he sent me this really nice sms about how there should be a dentist like me 35 yrs ago then he wouldnt be so frightened to see a dentist.. and how he was more scared to see a dentist than going to the principal office( i guess he must have been a rather naughty kid)..
and he ended off with something that sounded like he s looking forward to the next appointment
=).. one less person on earth who hates dentist yay

spking of which.. im a little anxious about treating little kids some times.. like those 3 or 4 yr old.. they seemed so fragile n it s like you re their first experience wrt seeing a dentist..
i always pray that i wont cause them to be scarred for life =p
and spking of 3 and 4 yr olds.. i only treated 2 before and they both fell asleep on me in the midst of my treatment..
and man are they hard to wake up... the first time it happened and the girl did not budge no matter how hard i tried waking her.. a cold chill ran down my spine when i had the sudden thought that maybe i had killed her or smth
thinking back now... it was rather hilarious as i really did check her for signs of breathing and a pulse... -_-

thank God it s the weekends... =).. thank God there s only one more week of school left..

♥ ( 10:51 PM ) ♥


i think i understand
after all, i always understand, right?

but then there s always that inner demon 'self-doubt' that tries to bring me down
"it's you. it's because you're a terrible person"

i guess it s fine
it really is

so what?

♥ ( 7:21 PM ) ♥


brownie is sooo cute
=)... i love his chubby face and how he enjoys being stroked on his head

eeyore where are u??? pls call me or msg me k
matcha parfait!!

im so inspired to pick up guitar

it poured really heavily this morning

♥ ( 11:57 PM ) ♥


你的眼中　藏著什麼　我從來都不懂
沒有關係　你的世界　就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔

♥ ( 9:59 PM ) ♥


gosh.. cant believe im still awake at this unearthly hour..

just finished watching a jap drama "A song to the sun".. and it s such a nice show
though it caused my tear ducts to hyperfunction ..

what if you have a terminal illness?

what if you have not much time left to live?

what if you die tomorrow?

honestly... we dont know when we will leave this world..
we should cherish every single day we are alive
thank God every morning you wake up
love the people you have around you
pursue your visions and dreams

the girl in the show pursued her dream to be a singer with all that she has..
knowing she may just die any time


carpe diem may sound a tad cliche..
but really, we should seize the day..

we always sing in church on sundays about living our lives for God.. but monday comes and it s like you re being sucked into the world again.. dragging our feet through the days till the next weekend come.. this is totally not a testimony to God and certainly not what He would want to see us doing either.. i think i give myself too much slack some times just cos dental school is so horrible.. but is it just an excuse?

there s also another part i really like in the show..
that even though she and the male lead both know she does not have much time left
they both chose to fall in love and cherish each other in the time they have together

this is so unlike other love stories we read about so often:
the person with the terminal illness choosing to leave stoically to die alone,
in an attempt to minimise the pain/suffering the other half would feel should he/she pass away.
i think this is in a way somewhat self-righteous..
i think you should respect the wishes of your loved one and not just make decisions on your own
i say, love and let love

p.s. the guy in the show is so sweet... sigh

the clock struck a dozen and the spell was broken

♥ ( 4:38 AM ) ♥


I thought you were different..
I wish you were different..
I wish i could believe the things that you ve said.

♥ ( 10:09 PM ) ♥


my all time favourite...
angels or devils by dishwalla

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time I will fall
Into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

♥ ( 10:40 PM ) ♥


rollercoaster ride of emotions in a day

starting point at the valley: woke up feeling lost (dont that feeling suck), wanting to hide under my blanket for the rest of the day

uphill slightly: devoting my day to God in a small prayer

uphill slightly: in time to catch a ride to sch in JH's car =)

downnnnnn : thinking of the long day ahead- OHE competency, root canal

up slightly: completed LMN MMR and Facebow record

up slightly: seeing raymond my happy WILLING patient

plateau : knowing i passed my OHE competency

downnnnnn: have to see a patient i dont like to see... =(

down: patient late for half an hr

steep drop: did not finish cleaning and shaping and have to see patient for one more precious afternoon session ( and had difficulty doing access cavity, inserting a file, determining working length, taking a proper PA). in short, anything that could go wrong went wrong

drop: calling another patient im not looking forward to seeing, hearing him complain, having to squeeze a slot into my schedule to screen his mother

drop: realising my friend did not do what he happily agreed to help me do

drop: pissing off someone

drop: fed up with someone for getting pissed

drop: fed up with myself for not taking enough responsibility for the job

slightly up: having a waffle and milo break with esthero

downn: so much labwork to do!!!

and finally, as i unsuccessfully mounted my P/P casts the second time
my rollercoaster veered off the track

i didnt even try to stop them, in fact i thought they ll release all the pent up emotions in me

and almost immediately after the tears come,

as i realised how ridiculous i was - crying cos i have to re-mount my casts,
i started laughing

so for a few minutes, as i stood beside the sink with esthero looking most confounded and worried,
i laughed and cried together at the same time

it s a most peculiar feeling...
like im-really-sad-and-i-want-to-cry, ----> cry
but at the same time,
xingni-you-re-being-so-ridiculous-crying ----> laugh

i think im prob going to be abducted by aliens soon to be used in their study of peculiar human behaviour

or maybe they have already ruled me out as being too far off the tangent or
statistically insignificant (i do not know why im making a joke out of biostats... since i hate it and suck at it)

♥ ( 12:13 AM ) ♥


i was just randomly reading blogs of friends' friends and this quote sort of got me thinking...

" There are only two things that pierce the human heart - beauty and affliction." - Simone Weil

on an entirely different note, i think im quite disappointed in you..
but i guess i have no reason to expect anything from you too

♥ ( 1:27 AM ) ♥


hmm think im back to my old habit of sleeping late..
am so going to turn into a panda (if u do not consider me one already)

half the term is officially over.. 5 weeks of school have passed pretty fast actually though it seemed really long at the same time...
right in the middle of the tunnel, where the joy of the last holidays seem so far away and there s no sight of the light at the end of the tunnel...

cant believe i stayed in the lab till 12.3oam today.. on halloween friday
it must have been the latest i ve stayed to do my labwork..
thank God for company as mario n kaimun were staying back too..
n kaimun, being the ultra nice guy, gave me a lift back even though he stays in hougang (or ard that area)

actually... it s rather therapeutic to do labwork late at night...
the lab is relatively free of the usual hustle n bustle..
you sit alone at ur bench,
a table light switched on among the rows of benches
and you just kinda drown yourself in your work
different thoughts come to mind but you just let them come and pass
but your hands keep moving
it s as if time has stopped in a standstill outside while you work on in your little own world

some times, i think, i really enjoy the feeling of being lost in my own world

apologise for my disintegrated sentences..

the panda needs to sleep

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23

♥ ( 2:12 AM ) ♥


alright... i should not be blogging at this time..
and esp when i have a fluoride competency test tmr which i have not studied for.. =p
well since it s an open book open laptop test i guess it should be ok heh

=) my dad came for appt today n i was so happy to see him
love my dad..
something embarrassing happened though:
as i went to greet my dad at the door, swee2 who came in at the same time, said "hey u look so happy today"
i got momentarily distracted from my happy vision of my dad and after mumbling some reply to swee i turned to my dad and said
"uncle can take a seat first and wait for a while?"
-_- '''

yes go ahead and laugh... but that s not all

i was walking up the horribly long flight of stairs to the satellite carpark with mel today
and we were panting away while she went on about how slugs mate (ah yes interesting choice of conversation topic i would say)

mel: all slugs are both male and female *pants* yada yada *pants* yada yada
me: actually i have SCV *pants* .....
mel: what? you have STD???
me: no.. SCV!
and both of us broke into abs-inducing laughter(ok maybe it was just me.. alright dont ask me why i have no abs)

anw the first story kinda show how terrible i am at multi tasking.. or rather.. multi-thinking
i find that i get so lost in my own thoughts some times everything else just seems like background noise

so my dear meh meh.. may i have your forgiveness for "ignoring" you some times

alright gotta go read up on fluoride now..

a quote: "it s the helplessness and the feeling of being stuck that sucks"

♥ ( 1:08 AM ) ♥


hello everyone =)..
have been abducted by an organisation known as s-c-h-o-o-l
but im back now.. (if only for a while)

anw... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER and LINDY! =)...
dont know if u guys will read this though

and im so HAPPY my B1 is back... yaY..
although i know you somehow wish you are somewhere else right now.. =/
hm i know there s nothing much i can do or say to help.. wish i can though

esthero just intro-ed me a song..lucky by jason mraz n it s really nice =)
listen to it..
aint it beautiful when the person you re in love with is your best friend =)
kinda reminds me of the main character and her husband in the book P.S. I Love You which i just borrowed from kristy

Lucky - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

Do you hear me,I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbyeI wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

♥ ( 10:09 PM ) ♥


i guess im not one who loves changes
i like to stay in my comfort zone... doing things i always enjoy doing...
i dont like the unknown.. the unexpected.. (*note:pleasant surprises are always welcome though)
i eat the same food i always like to eat
i guess i like to play on the safe side

no wonder i dont feel so thrilled abt cg tmr
things are so gonna change...
i look at the song we re going to sing and i already feel a dam threatening to burst from my eyes
i think about the people whom i will not longer see every saturday and sunday without fail..
and a tinge of regret sting inside me- that i ve not known them enough.. i ve not fellowshipped with them enough.. i ve not cared for them enough... i've not poured my life out to them enough

i need to learn to cherish the ppl whom God place in my life from now on... learn to not take people and things for granted... esp my family in Christ


That s what friends are for
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
Oh, that's what friends are for

nevertheless.. i put my trust in God that everything will turn out to be good =)
multiplication is good and definitely a necessary thing..

love you s25... my cellgrp and family for the past 5 yrs...


♥ ( 1:50 AM ) ♥


never say something you dont really mean.. cos you never know how much it may mean to someone else...
a thought that came to mind as i was in the shower
funny how i always derive some sort of conclusions or answers when im in the bathroom
anw i guess it s something ppl always do.. so i ve learnt, or learning, not to take ppl's words that seriously anymore oh wells

hmm first week of school is almost over... just one more lecture and one tutorial to the glorious weekend =)
been really quite depressed abt sch... just dragging my feet throughout the days... and not wanting to go to clinics or do labwork. AT ALL.

2nd last term of clinics... so many things to be done.. so little time =S
i can foresee many days of staying back in the dreary lab doing never-ending labwork
how i hate that place... =/

really thank God for evelyn for praying with me tonight... =) love u v much

n thanks mr lukamto for planning a great escapade for my first day of school(although it failed haha)


You never fail to bring peace to my heart...

my Prince of Peace =)

♥ ( 12:43 AM ) ♥


never stray too far from the sidewalk

♥ ( 4:28 PM ) ♥


cold stormy night.. perfect weather to snooze in..
and here i am sitting on the couch at 3am refusing to end the day once again,
(though just abt an hr ago i told myself i have to sleep earlier when i saw my terrible eye rings in the shower)

surprisingly, through an almost packed n eventful weekend, i dont feel sleepy one bit.
instead, i feel awake, peaceful and relaxed,
with the wind blowing my hair dry,
my legs crossed and tucked in, warmed by my laptop

right at this moment, i thank God for the peace which He s given me, peace that surpasses all understanding =)

though somewhere in the recesses of my brain, depressing thoughts about school are probably churning away, threatening to take over any time..

right at this moment.. i know God is here with me and i know i can overcome these negative emotions
Amen.

" Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" Rom 8:37

one more week of holidays to go... =)... and it will be all good..
i shall not waste one bit of it mulling over school and the work that is set before me
(well maybe just for one hour on sunday night? =p)

the past 2 weeks have passed almost in a flash..
before i forgot all i ve done, i think i should list down whatever i can remember
so i can look back and say
"i had a really great holiday!"

(not in chronological order)
1) Daryl's House moving
2) Kristy's Housewarming and sleepover
3) Enjoyed 2 1/2 great reads (in the midst of my 3rd book)
4) Baking Session at Esther's with the girls
5)Catch up with Charlotte
6) Late night ktv with CG
7) Cable car ride (where i thought i should write my will)
8) Chilling out at some restaurant/bar place on mt faber
9) Late night scrabble-ing and movie-ing at michelle's and sleepover
10) attempt at cooking something new for CG ("caramelized chicken wings")
11) Visit to aaron's place =)
12) swimming session with CG girls

and 2 impt areas where my mind s been renewed
1)learning to love and see people through God's eyes
2) really trusting God for a victorious life =)





♥ ( 2:55 AM ) ♥


i went for dinner with my grandma and uncle's family today
and after i helped my grandma down the stairs to the foodcourt,
our arms relaxed but we did not release our hand grips
and hand in hand, we walked to a table in the middle of the place

it felt so nice, as we walked together.. like we re best friends
a 22 yr old and a 80 yr old =)
the closeness of our hands clasped in each other just seemed so weird ( i guess since i dont usu hold hands with ppl) yet so strangely familiar like it's the most natural thing to do
it felt really good, even as ppl from the other tables stared at us

i love my grandma =)

♥ ( 11:55 PM ) ♥


oh gosh half my holidays are gone.. just like that...
the weekend will be here before i know it... then the next weekend... then...
i ve got to stop my ridiculous late sleeping late waking schedule(do ignore the time of this post)
to tune my body clock(if it ever existed) back to early rising mode(repeat: if it ever existed)

hmm i ve been spending the wee hours of the past few days reading though... just cant seem to stop reading until i cant peel my eyes open anymore.. =p.. and i totally enjoyed the 2 books, namely the dogs of babel and Marley and Me..
the first was a rather dark one for me...
while Marley and Me...somehow i cant seem to begin to talk about it.. except that i really want to keep a dog, yet i do not want to have to deal with its eventual death.. hmmm
anw.. Marley is really cute.. heh.. i so want to catch the movie when it comes out!

i cant believe i watched Boys Over Flowers today.. it was a waste of 6bucks to say the least.. and the F4 in the show were not really drool-worthy, the girl was quite cute though
had a really good catch up with Charlotte though.. =)
a great day completed with desserts and shopping(now im truly broke =/)

Plan for the remaining holidays..
PLAY as much as i can.. READ more books.. SLEEP more... PRAY more.. and i guess... study a little?.. realise all my notes are in school though.. ugh.. which means i have to find a day to go back to get them =(

♥ ( 11:35 PM ) ♥


my first post.
well... thought it s time for a new blog =) a new start
i ve been looking for a new skin for more than an hour.. and this is what came up..
i fiddled with the html till i thought i was going crazy.. now i think i may actually be a genius at it heh
im still missing my old skin.. it was so pretty with a photo in sepia of some wild flowers leaning towards the sun
but this is not bad as well.. love the flowers too =)..
haha i think i just have a weakness for flowers eh

i realised i need a paradigm shift in the way i think
i need to clear out the bad, the negative and the pessimism in me
God has redeemed me and all things are made new the very day i ve accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour
yet it has taken so long for me to realise that i did not fully carry out that faith of a victorious life with God (which brings to mind that my bible study in Victorious Living has been put on hold indefinitely =p)

I just read a book The dogs of Babel (courtesy of Strawberry1) and it is in short a love story of a man and his wife. (Spoiler ahead so do not continue if you're planning on reading it yourself)
They shared a really great love for each other and a relatively good marriage, and yet the wife chose to kill herself in the end. It was really due to her lack of self-worth, self-doubt, depression that brought about this end. And the scary thing is i could see myself in her as i read the book. So it really drove the point across in me that i have to change the way i think.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope " Jeremiah 29:11

=) i know my God has a perfect will for me

♥ ( 1:19 AM ) ♥